When She Was Crying
by Little Miss Zy
Summary: Something strange happened to Lily Evans, but it was always when she was crying. Jily


Something strange happened to Lily Evans, but it was always when she was crying.

* * *

At the beginning of her 6th year, Lily Evans found herself curled up next to a vacant classroom with tears running down her face. She felt completely lost and alone. No matter how much Severus apologized she just couldn't forgive him. Of course she had other friends, but they didn't understand why she was so torn up about losing him. No matter how much she hated him for what he did part of her would always be hurt by his absence. They were once best friends, and forgetting a best friend is harder than one might think.

But Severus wasn't the only person she was upset with. No, she was also angry with the boy who pushed him into using that awful word. James Potter. Now that they were back at school avoiding him was near impossible. The only place she could get away from him was her dormitory. He somehow managed to always be where she was; the common room, the library, her classes, the great hall. He was always there.

Lily felt like a complete baby. She was Lily Evans, the girl who was smart, collected, well mannered, and not a baby. But here she was, crying on a dirty corridor floor. It felt like she had been crying for hours when Lily heard footsteps nearing her. She quickly shoved her face into her hands and silently prayed that the passerby would ignore her and keep walking.

"Evans?"

Her heart stopped. It was the voice of the last person on earth she wanted to see.

"What… Evans, are you okay?" She felt him sit next to her. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing Potter." she spat and turned her head away, wiping her eyes, "Just leave me alone."

"Not until you tell me what's wrong." She shot him a glare and practically growled at him,

"And why on earth would I do that? So you can use it against me again, so you can try and ruin my life once again!?"

"So I can help you!" His shout echoed in the empty hall and was followed by a deathly silence. Their eyes locked on each other for a long moment before Lily dropped her gaze and laughed darkly.

"Yeah, help me look like a bloody idiot."

"Lily, I'm serious. I really want to help you with whatever the problem is."

"No, you don't."

"Yes, I do!"

"No! You don't! I know what you're playing at! You've been doing this for years! 'Let's see if we can break Lily Evans! Let's publicly mock her with hundreds of fake proposals! Let's ruin her!'" Lily was sobbing by the end of her screech and breathing hard. James stared at her with a look of shock.

"You… You thought I was mocking you?" he breathed. The red head simply turned away, her eyes burning with tears. "Evans, I never was mocking you. I… I honestly really, really like. I have for years."

She chanced a glace at him. He looked sincere but for all she knew it was an act.

"I don't believe you." His face fell. The look of hurt in his eyes was almost agonizing.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I made you feel that way. What can I do to make it up to you?"

"Nothing," she said, but James didn't seem satisfied with this answer.

"No, I'm going to prove to you that I care. I, James Potter, am going to be the best friend Lily Evans could ask for!"

"Ha!" She croaked as she stood up and began walking away. "I'd like to see you try."

"Oh, you will!" James called after her.

* * *

Lily was doing her very best to try and stay composed as she marched down the hallways. Her fists were clenched and her body was visibly shanking in rage. The "wanna-be Death Eaters" regularly insulted her, but this was too far. Threatening her family? Her parents?

She hated them, all of them: Malfoy with his sneer and the blonde bitch, Narcissa, clinging to his arm and laughing with her high, annoying voice, Avery and Macnair glaring at her with their black eyes, and Snape spitting at her, now that he had given up on apologizing.

She broke. Lily let out a shriek of fury before breaking into a fit of violent sobs. She was so done, so sick of it all. Half blinded by tears she tried to stumble down the corridor until she ran into something, no, someone.

"Sorry," she quickly choked out before attempting to push her way around the stranger. Without warning this person grabbed her and pulled her into their chest. Arms wrapped around her and held her tightly to them. Lily was confused but too distraught to question this person's actions. She let herself melt into them and cry until she was all dried out.

"The boys and I are gonna kill them. We've got you," murmured a voice into her ear. She did know that voice. Lily lifted her head up to make eye contact with James. Her eyes were puffy and mascara was smeared under them. He looked genuinely concerned about her. She quickly dropped her head again.

"How do you know what happened?" she asked quietly.

"Peter saw it. He came and found us." Lily only nodded and stood still against his chest for a few more moments before taking a step away from him. She whipped her eyes and looked back at James' face.

"Thank you,"

"For what?"

"For letting me ruin your shirt," Lily said with a small smile gesturing to the tear and makeup stained chest of his T-shirt. "And for being here."

James smiled at her. "Lils, that's what friends do."

"Well," she said, "you're a really good friend." The smile on James' face grew to an unmeasurable size.

"Come on!" he said and grabbed her hand. "Let's go round up the lads and kick some Slytherin ass!"

Lily laughed as she let James drag her down the hall to the Gryffindor common room.

* * *

"James Potter!" Lily squeaked, jumping up from her place on the couch in the head's common room. James was advancing toward her, levitating a glass of pumpkin juice in front of him, a mischievous smirk on his face.

"Don't push me Evans. I'll dump it right over that red head of yours."

"If that goblet gets even remotely close to me I swear, Potter, you will die a painful and slow death," she threatened, but she couldn't help the smile playing on her lips.

"Really?" he asked, innocently taking a step closer to her. "Well, I suppose you wouldn't like it if I did this!?" The goblet lurched forward quickly, spilling a few drops of the sticky liquid onto the carpet in front of the red head. Lily gasped and jumped back. The pair stared intently at each other in silence for one long moment. James quickly cocked an eyebrow up and Lily knew it was time to start running. He started chasing her with a wide grin spread across his face and she was trying not to laugh. She knew he would catch her eventually; he was much more athletic and had longer strides than she did.

Lily felt like a five year old again. The silly game was quite childish but she couldn't bring herself to care. James had somehow become one of her best friends in the past year and with him she felt no shame in acting like a child again.

As Lily predicted, James eventually caught her from behind and lifted her off the ground. Lily was laughing so hard tears were starting to gather in her eyes. The goblet was long forgotten and hung lazily in the air above the coffee table.

"James, put me down!" she squealed as her feet dangled above the floor.

"Go to Hogsmeade with me. Tomorrow." It was little more than a whisper in her ear, his lips centimeters away from her skin.

It had been over a year since he last asked her out. The sudden question that seemed to come from nowhere surprised her, or course, but in a pleasant way. She no longer felt the urge to throw a book at him or scream at him until her face turned red. The offer was welcomed. Her lack of anger surprised her more than James' question. She wanted to go to Hogsmeade with the spoilt, arrogant, kind, thoughtful, and funny James Potter. With little hesitation she turned her head to look him in the eye. Slowly she nodded and whispered back,

"Yes."

Without warning her feet were back on the ground and her body was being spun around to face a wide-eyed James.

"Yes?" he asked, as if trying to make sure he heard the red head right. Lily giggled slightly at his expression and nodded.

"Yes. I'll meet you outside the Great Hall at ten." She paused for a second to see the smile grow across his face. "Goodnight James." She added and turned to walk to her dorm on the left side of the common room. James watched her go silently until the door clicked behind her. Lily heard his shout of glee through the wooden door and his pounding footsteps heading out the door, most likely to share the news with his marauders. She smiled and shook her head as she dabbed the corner of her eye to find the residue of tear.

* * *

They walked hand in hand through Hogsmeade. It was fall, fairly chilly, and Lily had James' red and gold scarf draped around her neck. James had noticed the light chattering of her teeth after the first thirty minutes and immediately slung his own scarf around her. She had protested it at first but there was no point in arguing with him so she blushed and nestled into it.

They had spent the day out and about, first at Honeydukes filling bags with chocolates and pumpkin pasties. They then, on James' request, make a quick trip to the quidditch shop. Lily enjoyed it more than she expected, listing to James talk animatedly about the positions and strategies brought a smile to her face. The next hour they spent window shopping, looking at the robes, hats, quills, and books for sale. The end of the day began to draw near and they decided to wrap up with a trip to the Three Broomsticks. The pair found a small table in the corner, hoping for a little privacy. However, within minutes Sirius, Marlene, Mary, and Peter could be seen with their head poking above menus staring at them. Remus sat with them but was focused on his book. Lily and James did their best to ignore the snoopers and sat close together, talking quietly and smiling.

"And that's how we flooded Pete's house." James said, concluding is epic tale. Lily smiled and rolled her eyes at James, clearly amused by the ridiculous and probably half made up story.

"Ow," she muttered and raised a finger to her eye.

"What is it?" James asked quickly, looking at her intently.

"Just an eyelash," She mumbled in reply as she blinked rapidly. "It'll be gone in a second," She let the tears fill up in the eye, hoping to flush out the mascara coated lash. After a second of concentrated blinking a few tears had spilled over the outside corner of her eye and the pain began to ebb away. "There," She said with a small grin and carefully dabbed away the tears, not wanting to ruin her makeup.

"Lemme check," James said, bringing his face close to hers and carefully examining the slightly red eye. "I don't see it," he whispered.

"That's good," she whispered back lamely as her face heated up. Their faces were only centimeters apart. She could feel his warm breath against her lips. Then, his face slowly crept toward hers, as if he were asking for permission. Lily brought her lips to his, answering his silent question.

Lily had kissed very few people in her short life. It was only one person, really. Her ex-boyfriend, a muggle with whom she had a short-lived summer fling with, had kissed her twice. Needless to say, she wasn't the most experienced kisser. But James, in a way, guided her and made it much less awkward than her first few. It was caring and clean, not slobbery and uncomfortable. All in all it was a very enjoyable experience for the rookie kisser. It wasn't a long kiss, but it was sweet and left Lily with taste for more. When they pulled apart the red head looked up at her date. James had a guilty look on his face, obviously not sure if he pressured her into the kiss, but it faded when Lily smiled up at him. His lips curved into the largest smile she had ever seen.

A cheer rose up from the not-so-sneaky spies. Lily's flushed cheeks intensified into a color that was almost as red as her hair. She glanced at the table across the pub to see Sirius, Mary, Peter, Marlene, and even Remus clapping.

"Let's get out of here," James murmured into her hair and helped her up from her seat. They left the pub hand in hand and while Lily purposely ignored the table James looked over and shot the party a grin. Once out of the building James led Lily down the road to a less populated area of the village. They ended up in a small grove behind the post office. He faced her and took her free hand in his.

"So…" he said, trailing off at the end. Lily shyly looked up at him to see the edges of his ears begin to turn pink. "That was, um…"

"Nice." Lily said, ending the sentence for him. She felt her lips curve up into a grin. "It was really, really nice."

"So you, uh, wouldn't be opposed to maybe doing this again?" Lily stifled a laughed and nodded, inching herself closer to James.

"I would love maybe doing this again." Lily let her hands crawl up his long arms and lock around his neck. His hands quickly found their way to her waist and his forehead rested against her own. "Thank you for today."

"It was my pleasure." With that, Lily met her lips to his once more.

* * *

The waves of tears had subsided. Now she only felt numb and cold. She didn't know if her heart was heavy or gone all together. All she could do was replay the afternoon's events in her head over and over again.

She should have known something was wrong when Professor Sprout retrieved her from Divination. The young woman's face was creased with worry, but Lily ignored it. Visits to Professor Dumbledore's office were not unusual. As head girl she visited the headmaster at least once a week. When they finally arrived at the large statue guarding his office Professor Sprout gave the password and left quickly without giving the student a goodbye. Once inside the office she sat in her normal seat, surprised that James was not there as well. Very quickly Lily leaned this was not a meeting James would be attending. The old man handed her a letter addressed to her. Her breath caught at the first line.

"We regret to inform you that your mother and father, Mrs. Margret Evans and Mr. Robert Evans, were killed last night in a Death Eater attack on their home." Lily barley scanned the rest of the ministry letter. She clutched the letter in her shaking hands and rose quickly. Without a word or glance at the headmaster she exited the office and ran down the halls to the head's common room. As soon as the door closed behind her she dropped the letter to the floor and began sobbing. Slowly she stumbled to her bedroom and collapsed on her bed. That was two hours ago.

Sirius Black wandered into the Head's Common Room on that lazy Thursday afternoon. James had requested Sirius retrieve the map from his room while he got brooms out of the shed. At a relaxed pace, the Marauder began walking to James's room when he stepped in a crinkled piece of parchment. Curiosity getting the better of him, he picked up the tattered piece of parchment and began to read. His mouth slowly dropped open as he read the letter from the Ministry. He quickly looked up at Lily's dorm then back to the letter in his hand. Without hesitation he darted up the short stairs and knocked on Lily's door.

"Lily?" he called. "Lils, it's me, Padfoot. Can I come in?" He was met with silence. "Lily please, talk to me."

"Go away."

"Lily…"

"Leave." Her voice was not angry, but tired.

"I read the letter." Silence rang for a long moment. Finally, a chocked sob from behind the door cut through the quiet hanging in the air.

"Lily?!" Sirius began pulling on the doorknob. The door refused to budge, locked from the inside. He swiped his wand out and muttered "Alohomora." The door still remained shut. Angrily, Sirius slammed his fist against the door before stepping back. He looked sadly at the door one last time before running the opposite direction into James's room. He dove under the bed and grabbed at the Marauder's Map. He ripped it open and began searching for James Potter.

When Sirius left her door Lily didn't know if she felt better or worse. Like James, Lily's opinion and friendship with Sirius had changed dramatically in the last two years. But it didn't matter now. She heard his heavy footsteps race away.

Her cheeks were stained with streaks of black and she felt highly dehydrated. Still, she refused to move from her plush bed, the trauma of the day making her immobilized. She found her dishevelment almost fitting.

He eyes snapped open when she heard the door click and quietly swing open. Lily shot up in panic to find James closing the door, the letter in his hand. His hazel eyes were filled with a dangerous mix of anger and worry, and in a few long strides he was at Lily's bed. His toned quidditch arms scooped her into him as he joined her on the bed, holding her tightly against his chest. The numbness Lily had felt melted away and a new wave of tears hit her, which was surprising because she thought she had already cried herself dry. She clung tightly to the front of his shirt and began sobbing into his chest.

"They're- I'm-" She hiccupped, trying to form the words through her tears.

"Shh." James soothed, his mouth pressed to her hair, "I know."

And they stayed like this for hours. Lily fell in and out of crying fits and James held her tightly the whole time, gently kissing her hair and whispering soothing words in her ear. Years later, Lily would look back on that night and remember it as the day she fell in love with James Potter.

* * *

Her petite feet slammed on the floor of the dimly lit hallway as she and Sirius sprinted to the door at the end. The pair had been relaxing in the living room of the industrial size safe house moments ago, Lily reading aloud an article on hair growth potions to Sirius who was half listening, half sleeping. It was late, past two in the morning, but both refused to go to bed. James and Remus were due back from a mission that night and were six hours late. A retrieval team had been sent two hours ago but Dumbledore refused to allow Lily or Sirius join them. So they sat stiffly in the living room, trying not to think about what might have happened to James and Remus.

The door had suddenly swung open to reveal a battle worn Remus. The pair jumped up immediately and embraced him for a moment until Lily pulled back.

"Where is he?" She asked fiercely, not seeing her boyfriend behind him. Remus said nothing, but his face visibly stiffened and eyes filled with emotion you cannot put into words. Lily felt the anxiety that had been brewing in the pit of her stomach burst as she flew out the door and headed for the infirmary.

She crashed through the doors breathing heavily and searching the room for James. James had not been the only one injured, it appeared, because the infirmary was chaotic; almost every bed was filled as Order members fought to stop limbs from bleeding and curses from spreading.

"Lily! Here!" The redhead snapped her head to the left to see Mary waving her over, looking worried. On the bed behind her she could see a head full of dark hair with several other witches and wizards scurrying around it. Lily rushed over and quickly grabbed her boyfriend's hand, examining the damage. A large bruise spread across his left jaw and there was a reasonable size gash on the right side of his chest.

"What happened?" She demanded, and looked up at Mary.

"Death Eaters attacked them as they were leaving. Remus says Bellatrix hit him with something, but we aren't sure what yet."

"That bitch," Lily jumped slightly at the growl behind her, forgetting Sirius was there.

"Will he be okay?" Lily asked, her eyes meeting James' battered face. His nose and lip began to twitch, a sign that he was starting to wake up.

"Probably," Mary relied, carefully, "The wound isn't that deep and doesn't look infected. But, we can't promise anything." Lily nodded as she felt her eye prick with tears. Through her blurry vision she could see his eyes begin to flutter open. Quickly, she rushed to the head of the bed. James blinked a few times and looked up to see Lily standing over him. She smiled weakly at her and said,

"Hey Lils."

"You're going to be okay." Lily promised quickly. "We're going to fix you right back up."

"I know." James replied. "Lily, I nee-"

"Shh, don't talk. We'll take care of everything. You'll be fine." She promised once again, but she didn't know if it was for his benefit or hers.

"Lily-"

"Remus is fine, just tired. Don't worry about anyth-"

"Lily!" James yelled, shocking the redhead "Please, I need to ask you something," Lily opened her mouth to speak but James cut her off, "Something not about the battle."

"Whatever it is, it can wait until you're better." Lily said subtly tried to blink the tears away from her eyes. She needed to be strong for James. Quickly she turned to Mary to see what she could do.

"Will you marry me?" The question hung in the air for a brief second before Lily swiveled back around to meet James's eyes. Her heart had somehow managed to jump from her chest to her throat in a matter or a few seconds. "This isn't exactly how I planned to do it," he started again, "but I almost died today Lils, and would never forgive myself if I never got the chance to ask you. I've got the ring; it's in my sock drawer at the apartment." Lily felt the tears she tried to blink away spill over the edge of her eyelids. "So, Lily Marie Evans, the love of my life, will you marry me?"

"Yes." She managed to squeak out before breaking down into a full fit of tears. The smile that grew across his face was the biggest she had ever seen as he reached his hand out for her. After quickly wiping her eyes on the sleeve of her sweater, she grabbed his extended hand and gently kissed him.

* * *

Yes, Lily Evans did grow to love James Potter, but it was always when she was crying.

* * *

**AN:** Hello and thank you for reading this little one shot. I have spent far to long on this (almost a year now, writing drafts and the final version on and off again) so I'm glad it is finally finished and uploaded. Any comments or constructive criticism would be appreciated. Thank you and I hope you have a great rest of your day!


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